Ultimate Self-Care

February 25th, 2010

By Brenda Strausz, MA, LLP 

“Saying no can be the ultimate self-care” - Claudia Black.

Rosie (not her real name) came into my office looking miserable. She slumped in her chair and could hardly hold her head up.  She broke into tears as she described her exhaustion from the demands of her job, keeping up with the household, her husband, and her kids. She seemed to be the one everyone turned to when they needed something done. 

Rosie truly felt that she could not say “No”, that it was her duty as a human being to be there for everyone who needed her. She reported that her husband helped by cutting the grass and taking out the garbage while her kids did almost nothing. She felt that they were young, and it was her duty to make things easy for them.

 I explained to her the oxygen mask analogy, my old standby. Before take-off, the flight attendant directs the passengers that “in case of an emergency,” an oxygen mask will appear and that they should put their own mask first, before helping others. I told her to envision the “selfless” people on the plane helping everyone else with their mask while the selfless ones slowly suffocate. 

 

I explained that it was time for her to think of herself.  It was time to pay attention to her emotional, physical, and spiritual health.  This means eating healthy, exercising, balancing quiet time with activity, taking time for herself and time with friends. It also means saying “No” sometimes; it means not being a doormat, it means delegating chores to your husband and kids. It means making others in your life accountable.  It means giving to others but not at the expense of yourself.

 

 

“It sounds so selfish,” she said.  And I said what I have come to learn so well, “It is not selfish.  It is self-preservation”. 

 

Rosie began to understand her doormat mentality.  She said that she grew up in a family where she got her identify from pleasing others. She realized that in doing so, she lost herself. She understood that she was an automatic “yes machine” when people asked for help because she wanted people to like her and she didn’t want to disappoint anyone.  

 

It wasn’t always easy for Rosie to implement her new routine of putting herself first. Some of the people in her life were used to the status quo and were not comfortable with the new Rosie. She had to remind herself daily of the healthy benefits of self-care. Sometimes to save herself, she would have to disappoint someone else.

 

The last time I talked to Rosie she looked like a new person.  “Now that I have retired from being Master of the Universe I feel so much more rested, productive and alive”.  She said she was busy however, counseling others on putting on their oxygen masks first.  Thank goodness for old standbys.

 

Recommended Books

 

When I Say No I Feel Guilty by Manuel Smith

The Disease to Please by Harriet Braiker

 

Brenda Strausz is a psychotherapist at Apex Behavioral Healthcare in Westland, Michigan.  She combines conventional and alternative therapy (Guided Imagery and Emotional Freedom Techniques) to help clients to meet their goals and live with more ease, joy and peace. 

 

The Recession & Divorce

February 18th, 2010

The CEO of Christie’s, the famed art auction house, Edward Dolman recently stated that their  market had been driven by the 3 D’s: “Divorce, debt, and death. No matter what the state of the market, divorce happens, people die, and debt has to be paid.”

Minus the death variable from the equation, what happens when two married people multiply their debt and add divorce? 

Nobel Peace Prize winner and University of Chicago Business School economist Gary Becker said, “Recession has always been a factor for raising divorce rates.”  Couples who experience any significant or sudden change in income, whether it’s positive or negative, are at risk for divorce.

Finances are an argument starter for many couples; loss of finances leads to stress and stress leads to depression.  Depression leads to mood changes, and the non-depressed partner may initiate the separation because they are no longer connecting with their depressed partner who they may not realize is depressed.

Typical assets divided during a divorce are not worth what they used to be. The housing market is in a slump and as a result some middle-aged people have moved back into their parents house. Some couples in the midst of a separation are still  living in the same house because neither can afford to move out.

The American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers showed that 57% of lawyers nationwide had seen a drop in divorce rates, as published in November 2009.  The decline in the divorce rate is influenced by couples who can’t afford to get divorced or pay for the appropriate attorney fees. “Waiting out the recession” can result in increased emotional turmoil for two people that want to get out but are stuck living under the same roof.

One way to effectively manage and decrease stress is to start marital therapy. Marriage counseling, provided at Apex Behavioral Health, will help two people communicate with each other regardless of seemingly huge differences. Having an unbiased third party present helps the couple communicate and better understand each other’s point of view, which is especially beneficial for parents.

Marriage counselors can teach you how to resolve conflict in a healthy way. You will learn how to really listen to your spouse and understand what he or she is saying (or not saying). After some issues are resolved, some couples may find that their marriage is worth saving.

You’ll learn to work through unresolved conflicts in the presence of a professional. After getting your feelings out, you may find your spouse to be more understanding than you originally thought.

Even if you feel it is too late to seek marriage counseling, the only way to know for sure is to seek help. You might end up surprised! Please call Apex if you are interested in starting marriage counseling.

Children of Alcoholics Week, February 14 - 20

February 12th, 2010

Children Need Help Too!

Children in families experiencing alcohol or drug abuse need attention, guidance, and support. They may be growing up in homes in which the problems are either denied or covered up.

These children need to have their experiences validated. They also need safe, reliable adults in whom to confide and who will support them, reassure them, and provide them with appropriate help for their age. They need to be fun and just be kids.

Families with alcohol and drug problems usually have high levels of stress and confusion. High stress family environments are a risk factor for early and dangerous substance use, as well as mental and physical health problems.

It is important to talk honestly with children about what is happening in the family and to help them express their concerns anf eelings. Children need to trust the adults in their lives and to believe that they will support them.

Children living with alcohol or drug abuse in the family can benefit from participating in educational support groups in their school student assistance programs. Those aged 11 and older can join Alateen groups, which meet in community settings and provide healthy connections with others coping with similar issues. Being associated with the activities of a faith community can also help.

Resources for Information and Help

There is help available in your local community. Look in the yellow pages under alcoholism for treatment programs and self-help groups. Clal your country health department and ask for licensed treatment programs in your community. Keep trying until you find the right help for your loved one, yourself, and your family. Ask a family therapist for a referral to a trained interventionist, or call the Intervention Resource Center at 1-888-421-4321.

Self-Help Groups

Al-Anon Family Groups www.al-anon.org

Alateen www.alateen.org

Alcoholics Anonymous www.aa.org

Adult Children of Alcoholics www.adultchildren.org

For a pastoral counseling center in your community, visit www.aapc.org.

For More Information

SAMHSA’s National Helpline

1-800-662-HELP; www.findtreatment.samhsa.gov

National Association for Children of Alcoholics www.nacoa.org

National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence www.ncadd.org

Alcohol and Drug Abuse Hurts Everyone in the Family

Dependence on alcohol and drugs is our mos serious national public health problem. It is prevalent among rich and poor, in all regions of the country, and all ethnic and social groups.

Millions of Americans misuse or are dependant on alcohol or drugs. Most of them have families who suffer the consequences, often serious, of living with this illness. If there is alcohol or drug dependence in your family, remember you are not alone.

Most individuals who abuse alcohol or drugs have jobs and are productive members of society, creating a false hope in the family that “it’s not that bad.”

The problem is that addiction tends to worsen over time, hurting both the addicted person and all the family members. It is especially damaging to young children and adolescents.

People with this illness really may believe that they drink normally or that “everyone” takes drugs. These false beliefs are called denial; this denial is a part of the illness.

It Doesn’t Have to be That Way

Drug or alcohol dependence disorders are medical conditions that can be effectively treated. Millions of Americans and their families are in healthy recovery from this disease.

If someone close to you misuses alcohol or drugs, the first step is to be honest about the problem and to seek help for yourself, your family, and your loved one.

Treatment can occur in a variety of settings, in many differnt forms, and for different lengths of time. Stopping the alcohol or drug use is the first step to recovery, and most people need help to stop. Often a person with alcohol or drug dependence will need treatment provided by professionals just as with other diseases. Your doctor may be able to guide you.

“What is Substance Abuse Treatment? A Booklet for Families” was written especially for family members and is available through SAMHSA’s National Helpline, 1-800-662-HELP.

Family Intervention Can Start the Healing

Getting a loved one to agree to accept help, and finding support services for all family members are the first steps toward healing for the addicted person and the entire family.

When an addicted person is reluctant to seek help, sometimes family members, friends, and associates come together out of concern and love, to confront the problem drinker. They strongly urge the person to enter treatment and list the serious consequences of not doing so, such as family breakup or job loss.

This is called “intervention.” When carefully prepared and one with teh guidance of a competent, trained specialist, the family, friends and associates are usually able to convince their loved one - in a firm and loving manner - that the only choice is to accept help and begin the road to recovery.

People with alcohol or drug dependence  problems can and do recover. Intervention is often the first step.

However, people on the receiving end of the intervention frequently feel trapped or bombarded. One does not have to undergo an intervention to receive treatment, though some people need to see the effect their addiction has had on family and friends before they realize the extent of their addiction.

If you are asking yourself if drugs or alcohol have created a problem within your life, chances are they already have. We urge you to please seek help, especially if you are a parent raising a child.

It’s important to remember that when you seek treatment, you will not be judged. Organizations are here to help you get your life back on track, help you manage your addiction, not to bring your self-esteem down.

Please call APEX for individual therapy or contact any of the group listed above.

Antidepressants

February 11th, 2010

Antidepressants are psychiatric medicines used to alleviate mood disorders. Antidepressants work on the brain in a variety of ways, different antidepressants target different areas of the brain  Tricyclic antidepressants were one of the first major antidepressants introduced in the late 1950’s, and were later replaced by selective serotonin reuptake inhitors, or SSRIs. SSRIs  increase the amount of serotonin available to bind to brain’s receptors; Prozac, Zolof, and Paxil are some of today’s most popular SSRI antidepressant drugs.  SNRIs, serotonin-norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors, such as Effexor and Wellbutrin, work by increasing the levels of the neurotransmitters serotonin and norepinephrine in the brain, which plays a role in one’s mood.  

Lately there has been controversy surrounding the overall success of antidepressants. Some researchers argue that people are being too over-medicated,  that antidepressants are not extremely beneficial in patients with mild depression. The placebo effect refers to a patient taking  a sugar pill and reporting  feeling better, simply because they took a pill they were told would improve their condition. In reality, the patient ingested a sugar pill and it was their change in thought that led their condition to improve.

Patient volunteers are told they will receive either the drug or a placebo, and neither the scientist nor the patient knows who is getting the sugar pill as opposed to the actual drug. Most volunteers want to get the actual drug, and several weeks into the clinical trial users know they are on the real drug when they experience side effects.  Some studies have shown that the worse the side effects, the more effective the patient believes the drug is, heightening expectations.

Newsweek argues that the belief in the power of a medical treatment can be self fulfilling, aka the placebo effect.

However, drug advocates argue that the FDA would not have approved ineffective drugs for millions of people to take. The FDA requires two clinical trials to prove that a drug is more effective than the placebo. In patient-doctor relationships, doctors personally monitor and see the positive effect antidepressants have on a patient’s mental state.

In an analysis of six experiments where depressed patients received a placebo or active drug, the true drug effect (the drug’s effect in addition to the placebo effect) was found to be “nonexistent to negligible” in patients with mild and moderate depression.  In patients with very severe symptoms, there was a statistically significant drug benefit.

Certainly, antidepressants have helped tens of millions of people, and people on antidepressants should not discontinue taking their medication. However, antidepressants may not be the best first choice for patients with mild depression.

Psychotherapy has shown to be extremely effective in treating patients with depression, depression ranging from mild to moderate to severe. For some patients, psychotherapy in addition to antidepressant medication works even better. Each individual experiences depression differently, and psychotherapy is particularly tailored to each person’s individual issues.

In the U.S., many patients with depression are treated by their primary care physicians, not psychiatrists.  If you are experiencing depression or any other mental problem, it is important to see a therapist or psychiatrist over a primary care physician. Therapists are able to truly individualize your treatment, and give your mental health the utmost attention.  Apex Behavioral Health can provide you with psychotherapy and psychiatry. Apex is specialized in mental health, all of our staff is certified and qualified. Please don’t hesitate to seek out a doctor or therapist - depression symptoms can get better.

The Newsweek article can be found here: http://www.newsweek.com/id/232781/page/1

Over Diagnosis of Bipolar Illness in Children; DSM Adds New Child Diagnosis

February 11th, 2010

With the revision of the DSM-IV, the “bible” of psychology, fewer children will be diagnosed with bipolar disorder. The DSM is the encyclopedia of mental disorders as recognized by the American Psychiatric Association. Doctors use the DSM to diagnose patients, while insurance companies use it to decide on reimbursement.

A significant change in the book will be the addition of a childhood disorder called temper dysregulation disorder. Many mildly aggressive, irritable children have been given a diagnosis of bipolar disorder when they may not have it.

A misdiagnosis results in children receiving powerful antipsychotic drugs used to treat bipolar disorder. The antipsychotic drugs have serious side effects such as metabolic changes.

Children as young as 2 years old have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Since the mid-1990’s, the number of children diagnosed with bipolar disorder has increased by 4,000 percent. Today there are an estimated 1 million children diagnosed.

Dr. Janet Wozniak, assistant professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School stated that when she was starting her career, “Papers about bipolar disorder in children would usually start out with the phrase, ‘Here’s a disorder that’s so rare maybe you’ll see one or two in your entire lifetime in practice.”

Bipolar illness is diagnosed as patients who experience one or more manic episodes and also experience major depressive episodes.

Manic episodes are when a person experiences an unusually euphoric or irritable mood that lasts for at least a week. During a manic episode, a person may have an inflated self-esteem, feel full of energy, and talk more than usual while not needing much sleep.

Mania also involves engaging in pleasurable things to excess, often with painful consequences, such as: engaging in unrestrained shopping sprees, sexual indiscretions, or foolish business involvements. During manic episodes, the person can alternate between euphoria and instability.

Major depressive episodes are characterized by at least two weeks of depressed mood or loss of interest. Additional symptoms include trouble sleeping, lack of interest, feeling sad, hopeless or discouraged, decreased energy or sense of worthlessness and guilt, and difficulty concentrating.

Dr. Wozniak started thinking about pediatric bipolar disorder when she was doing research with another child psychiatrist, Dr. Joseph Biederman, who was studying kids with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder.

He thought that there was a percentage of children he was working with whose anger symptoms seemed to surpass normal ADHD symptoms, which generally involves problems with impulse control. Wozniak found some kids who were still struggling with intense, uncontrollable outbursts of anger after they passed the preschool years.

Wozniak published an article stating that the serious mood disorder seen in kids diagnosed with ADHD, was a disorder stronger than ADHD; the kids were bipolar.

Dr. David Schaffer, one of the psychiatrists on the DSM 5 childhood committee behind the addition of temper dysregulation disorder, critiqued Wozniak’s research article about pediatric bipolar disorder because Wozniak and Dr. Biederman changed a critical diagnosis component.

A key feature of manic-depression is that it is episodic. Bipolar patients experience episodes of depression, episodes of mania, and episodes of normal moods.  The children Wozniak described as bipolar lacked the critical weeklong or month-long episodes.

Dr. Shaffer said that Wozniak and Biederman argued that bipolar episodes in children presented themselves in a different way.

“They said maybe in childhood the episodes would be very brief and very frequent,” says Shaffer. “These are called ‘ultra diem,’ you know, ‘many times a day.’ If you regarded every time children changed their mood, every time they lost their temper or became overexcited, as a mood episode, then they were really being misdiagnosed and were really cases of bipolar disorder.”

Researchers argue bipolar disorder should look the same in children and adults, and there wasn’t enough evidence that the children grew up to be bipolar. Bipolar adults didn’t necessarily have uncontrollable anger issues when they were children.

Temper dysregulation disorder is seen as a brain or biological dysfunction, not necessarily a lifelong condition. It can only be diagnosed in children over the age of 6 and onset must begin before the child is 10.

Symptoms include severe recurrent temper outbursts in response to common stressors. The person has to have had symptoms present for at least 12 months and can’t be free of symptoms more than 3 months at a time.

Temper outbursts can involve yelling or physical aggression, overreacting to common stressors, temper outbursts occurring on three or more times a week on average. The mood between temper outbursts is persistently negative, and in the past year the patient has not had a period longer than a day of elevated or euphoric mood.  

Shaffer and his DSM collegues created a new diagnosis in hope that doctors will use this diagnosis over bipolar disorder.

“We were trying to find a way to adequately describe the really quite serious behaviors that many of the children who’ve been given [the bipolar label] have. So what we thought would be valuable would be to carve out a group with the most severe reactions: [children] who when they do lose their temper, do so with great force, and who are having [tantrums] frequently — two or three times a week — and between the big episodes, have an abnormal mood,” said Shaffer.

If your child is having behavior issues, difficulity focusing, or needs someone to talk to, Apex Behavioral Health can help your child with his or her needs.

Apex has child psychatrists and child therapists available for psychotherapy. Dr. Patil is our main child psychiatrist at Westland. If you have any inquiries, please call Apex Westland at 734-729-3133.